


Lost in Translation

by berenahugs



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn, Ukraine - Freeform, berena - Freeform, holby city - Freeform, possible m rating, secondement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 04:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9531398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berenahugs/pseuds/berenahugs
Summary: Bernie left Serena to go to France, despite Serena's begging and pleading. After a particularly long and trying day, what will Serena's reaction be when Bernie turns up unannounced? Could possibly turn M rated in later chapters.





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Writing is all very new to me for this pairing in particular, but who can resist Berena?! I would really appreciate it if whoever is reading this could let know whether it is worth carrying on with...
> 
> For the purposes of this story, Bernie's secondment was in France, not Ukraine but everything else to my knowledge is the same at the minute.

** Lost in Translation **

Sat at her desk aimlessly, Serena all but watched the clock tick. She loved her work, she really did, but it somehow didn’t feel right without Bernie by her side. _Bernie_ …she sighed to herself. It had been almost four months since she had left for France. She had been offered a temporary position to work on, and help strengthen the trauma unit in the ‘Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Lyon hôpitaux de Lyon’.

Serena wasn’t silly. She had been called many things in her life, many of which she was aware of in spite of her colleagues, yet she wasn’t silly. She knew this was a good opportunity for Bernie. It was fantastic, and she could kick herself for even feeling a little bit of pride wash over her. Beneath the pride though, was the deep pain which Bernie leaving had caused her.

She went to France. After everything they went through, she just fucked off and went off to France. After Serena practically begging her, pleading her to stay, to stay with _her,_ she still left. Serena didn’t believe that she would truly go, but images of Bernie turning her back on her flashed through her brain, clouding her eyes with unshed tears.

Serena had been strong. Strong around her colleagues, that is. Strong around her family. However, when alone, Serena would often crumble; feel herself crash and burn with only thoughts of Bernie flooding through her Brain. Why couldn’t she forget? Why couldn’t she just move on? She assumed that was what Bernie was doing, moving on.

She tapped her fingers agitatedly on the edge of her desk in the office they once shared. It almost felt empty without her, as if something just wasn’t right. As if something had been misplaced. This very much applies to her life at this precise moment. Everything felt wrong. Everything felt different. Everything felt…lonely. She missed Bernie, and as much as she could deny that to everyone around her, she was through denying it to herself. She missed her charm, she missed her self-assured attitude…she missed the small smile that would twitch upon the corners of her lips when they made eye contact during a long, tiring day on AAU.

Absentmindedly, she reached for her phone. She played with it for the longest moment, as though attempting to draw out this moment, unsure of what she was about to do. With a few clicks, a few swipes and a few touches she brought up Bernies contact details. Her index finger hovered over the call button for a few seconds before she thought better of it. Instead, she touched the button to open their text message conversation. Her heart pounded in her chest, seeing all the messages she had sent to her, seeing the confessions lying deep within the French. Scrolling through them, she let her emotion overtake her better judgements. Her fingers and brain worked in tandem, tapping away at the touch screen keyboard finally setting on a text she deemed suitable.

“Tu me manqué, Bernie. S”

Serena read over those four words what felt like a thousand times, before finally pressing the little button which would send the text into the unknown. Aimlessly, she scrolled upwards through the previous text messages she had sent to Bernie, her chest heavy, the emotion and upset of this clear on her weary face.

“Pourquoi êtes-vous allé ? Pourquoi m’avez-vous quitté?”

“Veuillez revenir, Bernie. L’hôpital a besoin de vous. J'ai besoin de toi.”

“Je veux que vous, Bernie.”

It was almost in spite of herself that Serena laughed drily. She loved her. She really, unquestionably, undoubtedly loved Bernie Wolfe.

She felt her eyes become heavy, her eyes filling with unshed tears. She didn’t often allow herself this escape, this release of emotion. She sighed. Today had been difficult. There was talk of Bernie coming back, which sparked questions about their relationship. It was like déjà vu. Whenever she walked into a room, it would go deathly silent.

She shook her head, ridding her eyes of the tears which once were threatening to fall. Clearing her throat, she stood up and smoothed her hands down her skirt to rid it of the creases sitting down had created.

Grabbing her bag, she sighed and made her way towards the door, shrugging her coat on as she walked. Yep, she was definitely in need of a drink tonight. Albies it is; she was glad Jason was staying the night at Alans because she really couldn’t quite cope with much more questioning.

***

Walking into Albies, she surprisingly found very few faces she recognised but she did see Raff and Fletch sat in a booth in the corner. Deciding to not bother them, she took a place at the bar, perching on a stool and peeling her coat off and placing it across her lap. Signalling that she was ready to order her drink, she retrieved her purse from the bag that was loosely hanging from her shoulder.

Of course, she ordered herself a Shiraz. Large. And a bottle. Fuck it, she thought. Two bottles. She needed it, and she was sure even the woman serving it to her could tell. Nursing the glass in her hands, running her thumb over the rim of the glass she sighed, before taking a sip, rather a gulp. Upon placing the glass of red down onto the bar top.

***

Serena couldn’t really tell you how long she had been in Albies for, but she was guessing at least two hours as the clock said just gone 11pm and she was well into her second bottle of wine. Just as she was staring down aimlessly into her half empty glass of wine, she froze at the familiar raspy voice which came from behind her. Turning around slowly, her eyes met those of Bernies. Placing her glass atop of the bar, she stood as best she could after the copious amount of alcohol she had consumed. She wasn’t sure whether it was the alcohol, or the desire for the woman in front of her but she found it hard to stand.

They both just stood there for a long while, staring into each other’s eyes, as if searching one another’s souls for the answers they both sought.

After what felt like an eternity, Bernie broke the silence.

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow see you. I was hoping you would be here. I-I need to explain.”

Serenas reply came harsher than she had intended, “then explain.”

Translations

  * “Tu me manqué, Bernie. S”
  * Pourquoi êtes-vous allé ? Pourquoi m’avez-vous quitté ? (Why did you go? Why did you leave me?)
  * Veuillez revenir, Bernie. L’hôpital a besoin de vous. J'ai besoin de toi. (Please come back, Bernie. The hospital needs you. I need you.)
  * Je veux que vous, Bernie (I want you, Bernie)




	2. Confessions

** Chapter 2 - CONFESSIONS **

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow see you. I was hoping you would be here. I-I need to explain.”

Serenas reply came harsher than she had intended.

“Then explain.”

//

Serena’s words were sharp to Bernie’s ears and she almost had to blink twice, her mouth slightly agape from the shock of the sudden harsh response. Bernie didn’t quite know what she was expecting. She certainly wasn’t expecting flowers and open arms, but she also hadn’t quite anticipated such an unwarm welcome. She hadn’t prepared herself for the sharp, bitter words that emanated from Serena’s mouth.

“Serena, I…I, uh, don’t think that Albies is the best place for us to do _this_.” Bernie stuttered through the sentence, trying and failing to talk slowly and calmly. She could tell that Serena had drunk one, maybe five, too many, but she wasn’t prepared to just leave. She wasn’t going to run. Not this time.

Serena stood up, placing her half empty wine glass on the bar as she leaned against it.

“Why not, Bernie? Why not here? We’ve done _this,_ as you put it, in the middle of AAU…in front of all of our colleagues. So tell me, why not here?”

Once again, her voice was harsh. Surprisingly to Serena, it had come out much harsher than she had actually intended but she wasn’t going to apologise. She was far too stubborn for that. Far too proud for that…and _far_ too hurt for that.

“Serena.” Bernie’s voice was stern. Hard. It sounded far more serious than anything she had heard from Bernie in the past. It was low, husky and there really was no arguing with the pleading in Bernie’s eyes as she spoke her name so harshly. Closing her eyes for a brief second, Serena stood up straight and nodded before following Bernie outside.

The air around them was cool, enhanced by the ice cold atmosphere circling around the pair. Serena’s voice broke the silence.

“I…I brought my car.” She said, almost chastising herself. _How am I going to get to work in the morning? I’ll have to get a cab!_

Bernie nodded to herself, before holding her hand out. “I got a cab from the airport. Give me your keys, I’ll drive.”

Warily, Serena handed the keys over to Bernie, her fingers lingering on her palm for a second too long as their eyes met in a long, heated look before Serena broke the eye contact, looking down and smoothing out the non-existent creases in her blouse. Clearing her thought and taking a deep breath, Bernie took a second to recover from the intense moment they just shared before shaking her head, _this wasn’t what this was about. Well it is._ Bernie thought to herself. _It’s rather very much what this is about._

“Where’s your car parked?” Bernie asked when she saw Serena shivering. Slowly, she peeled the coat she was wearing from her body and placed it around Serena’s shoulders with minimal arguments from the woman, before following in Serena’s path to her car.

The drive back to Serena’s house was quiet. It was tense…but somehow, it didn’t feel uncomfortable; it felt natural. Pulling up outside Serena’s house, they just sat there, both of them still…unmoving. Bernie was the first to speak…to break the building tension.

“I…look, Serena…I’m sorry, okay? I’m not good at this. At _any_ of this.” Bernie’s eyes were focussed upon the road in front of her until her eyes sought a small scratch indented upon the dashboard on the driver’s side; this something which would never usually capture her attention but right in this moment, it was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. Her mind raced for a few seconds, wondering how that scratch had come to be on the dashboard…had it always been there? Had Jason accidentally scratched the edge of his QI book on it whilst explaining something to Serena? Had Serena grazed it with one of the rings which adorn her beautiful, long, skilled surgeon fingers? _The fingers that I so desperately…_ Bernie’s train of thought was suddenly very, _very_ far from where it needed to be in this moment and she blinked rapidly, bringing herself back into the real world with a bang, harshly realising that Serena was speaking.

“Sorry for what, Bernie?” Serena’s voice has a tinge of sadness to it, intertwined with all the anger still evidently present within her tone of voice. “Sorry for kissing me? Sorry for coming back? Sorry for making me **_beg_** for you to stay, for you to stay _with me_ , in front of all of our friends, not to mention all of our colleagues? Or are you sorry for leaving me? Even after I had physically begged, and pleaded for you not to go? So what are you sorry for, Bernie? Breaking my heart of smashing it into pieces?” Serena’s voice surprisingly wasn’t harsh, nor was it actually angry now. It just resonated with hurt, and confusion and something else which Bernie couldn’t decide whether it was love or longing, or, she prayed, _both_.

"I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry, Serena…for everything. I was lost. I was so fucking lost.” Bernie sounded defeated. She sounded tired, truthful. She shook her head, her emotion getting the best of her as she felt unruly tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “I was lost. I was so lost, Serena. I was lost in lies, lost in telling myself that you could never feel the same way about me as I do about you, lost in translations of your wonderful texts, lost in a phrasebook, looking for answers…looking for ways to respond to your texts but I could never find anything sufficient. I was lost in myself, and I just…I couldn’t get out. That’s who I am…Its who I was, but I don’t want to be like that anymore. I know what I want now, and even with Marcus, I was never this sure. I always chose the army, god, I even chose the army over my own children…but if I were to be proposed with an ultimatum of you or the army, it would be you every time, Serena. I know that now.” Her voice was raw, it was full of emotion and want and something else she just couldn’t put her finger on. “It would always be _you_.” She whispered, a stray, disobedient tear rolling down her cheek and before Serena had the chance to wipe it away, Bernie swiped at it angrily with the back of her hand.

“God, Serena – I would rather love to be able to tell you that the only reason I didn’t reply to all your messages was that I just couldn’t understand all the French, and whilst that may be true on some level due to my French always being rather lousy, that wouldn’t be the truth and you deserve the truth, Serena. You deserve to know how I feel, and god – I should have told you so long ago, I almost did on so many occasions but I didn’t want to ruin what we had. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship…I value our friendship way too much to mess that up, and I thought taking the secondment in France was the easiest thing to do, but God, I couldn’t have been any further from the actuality of the situation. Every day, you were on my mind. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I just prayed that for one minute, my mind could be cleared and I would stop thinking of you in ever god forsaken scenario that my brain could allow, and when I saw your messages – I wanted so badly to reply, I did. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, knowing how much I’d hurt you. I just- “suddenly she had been cut off mid-sentence by Serena who had now seemingly found her voice. Looking over at Serena, Bernie noticed that Serena’s features had softened considerably since the last time she had allowed herself a glance in her direction. She could’ve been wrong, but she could faintly make out a tear line down her cheeks, caught red handed in her foundation. When looking up to meet Serena’s eyes, her suspicions were confirmed while looking into teary eyes.

“Every single time my phone rang…or every single time I got a text message, I hoped…I _wished_ that it was you. But it never was, Bernie…and that hurt. I just wanted to talk to you. To know that everything was okay. I just needed you.” Serena’s tears were freely falling now, unable to keep her tears hidden through the mix of Shiraz and emotion.

“I was lost in a question that I wanted to ask you, lost in a routine that I so easily fell back into…lost in always fucking running away like the coward I am. But I’m through with that me, Serena. I’m through with being scared. I’m through with running…I just need you to realise how much I l-“

Serena cut her off sharply, closing her eyes.

“Bernie, please don’t. Please don’t say it unless you mean it.” Serena took a deep breath before continuing, “When I was falling for you, dear God, falling so hard…I just prayed and prayed that that you would do something wrong. Something that would make me realise that it was just a silly little crush, something that would allow me to forget about you and move on but even now, even after everything you’ve put me through put me through, after leaving me to cope with rumours and gossip and whispering, even after you left me, while I was begging you to stay, you still left me and yet I still find myself hopelessly in love with you, Bernie, and the scariest part is that I’m not completely sure that there is anything you could do that would make me love you any less than I do.”

“Serena…” Bernie’s voice was all but a whisper and she reached out to lay her hand atop of Serena’s on her knee.

“No, let me finish. I just kept telling myself that it would all just ease with time…with laughter, with translation, with every-day life, but I was wrong. Dear God, I was so, so wrong.”

Bernie squeezed Serena’s hands in-between her own, lifting them up and placing a delicate kiss to her knuckles.

Every hair on Serena’s body stood on end at the feeling of Bernie’s soft lips brushing across her skin. She looked into Bernie’s eyes, her eyes reflecting love and hurt, but also a tinge of forgiveness.

“I was scared, Serena…you terrified me…the things I felt for you, the things I still feel for you…they’re unlike anything I have ever felt before, with anyone. So I did what I do best, I ran…but I’m done running. You are the one person I am incapable of running away from. I ran away from Alex. I ran away from Marcus. I ran away from the Army…but I cannot run from you…I am completely, wholly and hopelessly in love with you Ms. Campbell, and I will spend the rest of my life proving it if that is what it takes.”

As a single tear fell from Bernie’s eye, Serena reached out her hand and placed it upon Bernie’s cheek.

“Where do we go from here?” Serena whispered, her eyes searching Bernie’s.

“Inside? I’m bloody freezing.” Bernie let out a low chuckle, and Serena couldn’t contain the small smile which twitched the edges of her lips up into a small smile.

Bernie got out of the car and went around to the other side of the car, opening Serena’s door for her. Once out, Serena smiled and walked up the path towards her front door. When she realised she was standing there alone, Serena turned around towards the gate to see Bernie lingering there awkwardly.

“What are you doing?” Serena asked with an amused smirk, walking up towards Bernie, stopping just in front of her.

“I…uh, I…didn’t know whether I was coming in or not, I didn’t want to just presume that it would be okay after- “

Bernie’s baffling was cut short by Serena’s lips brushing softly her own, and as it did, both their eyes flickered shut. A moment later, Serena pulled back and grinned.

“What do you think?”

They both made their way up the path nervously and inside Serena’s house.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ii decided to update twice because they were both already written (from being on ff.net). I hope you like it so far and please comment/review if you're interested in me continuing this story. If you are, I will update asap! Xxx


	3. Truth comes with Shiraz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Bernie continue their conversation with some Shiraz back at Serena's. Bernie tells Serena about a France. Serena tells Bernie about Robbie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry I haven't updated in so long, I've been so busy rehearsing and performing for college! But I hope you enjoy this chapter, I enjoyed writing it! Please leave a review if you would like me to continue this story, I will continue if people are interested! also leave any prompts/ideas too if you would like to :)

** Lost in Translation **

** Chapter 3 -  **

_“What do you think?”_

_They both made their way up the path and into Serena’s house._

//

As she reached for the glass of Shiraz that Serena had re-filled, Bernie glanced down at her watch. 1:47am. _Good God._ They had been sat on Serena’s sofa talking for hours, and yet it felt such a small amount of time. _It always does when I’m around Serena, though._ Bernie thought to herself. They had worked their way through many topics of conversation, ranging from French cuisine, the extensive wine lists present on the restaurant menus in France, Serena had talked Bernie through the happenings on AAU since she had been away, and also about how the trauma unit was running exceptionally well. Yet, there was still an undeniable elephant in the room. Bernie was first to crack under the extreme pressure, the tension in the air was all but suffocating her.

“Was-was there anyone, I mean, did you… “Bernie sighed, unable to form the words she so desperately needed to ask. She was unsure whether she couldn’t form them because she didn’t want to know the answer, or If the answer was ‘ _yes’_ it would be her own fault, she would only have her cowardly self to blame.

“Robbie.” The words left Serena’s mouth in a small whisper, that could easily have been misheard. Bernie felt her heart sink. Her features dropped, and it took all her self-discipline to stop the tears which were now threatening to fall. She couldn’t be angry. It was her fault. She had left. She had hurt Serena. _It’s all my fault…_

“Did you…uh, did you see anyone?” Serena broke the silence, speaking once more. “In France, I mean?” she had noticed Bernie’s features change when she had mentioned Robbie’s name. She felt a deep pool of regret settle in the pit of her stomach. Regret of what, she wasn’t sure. Regret of seeing Robbie while Bernie was away? Regret of being here and now with this woman? Regret of telling Bernie? She didn’t know.

Bernie shook her head, clearing her throat. “No. I was given plenty of offers, especially when we went for staff drinks upon my arrival…but I refused.” Bernie spoke quietly, focussing all of her energy into a tiny loose thread on the sleeve of her jumper. Serena closed her eyes, she hadn’t known exactly what she was expecting, but she was definitely expecting there to be at least one. At least one person that she had been with…but even now that she knew there hadn’t been any, Serena still felt jealous that people had even tried it on with her Bernie. _Her Bernie._ She inwardly laughed in spite of herself. _She will never be your Bernie now, you fucked that up when you went and slept with Robbie._ Good job Serena. She was giving herself a hard time in her own head, her eyes still closed. She suddenly felt a warm hand encase her own hands, and her eyes snapped open.

“There was one girl.” Bernie whispered into the silence. _Here it is._ “It was in the first month, I kept seeing her on nights out and she would approach me every time, asking if she could by me a drink. This one night, I was beside myself. We had just lost a child in theatre, a child that shouldn’t have died. On paper, it was simple. He should have survived, but he didn’t. We went back to hers, and…” As Bernie spoke, deep in thought Serena cut her off.

“I get it.” She whispered, “I don’t need to hear the details of what happened next.”

“No, Serena. You do.” Bernie finally looked up from the tiny thread that she had been consumed by and her eyes connected with those of Serena. “We went back to her home, originally she had said to come back to hers as the bar was closing and I agreed because I had by no means finished drowning my sorrows. It was getting late, and I was drunk. Jesus, I was so drunk, Serena…and she kissed me.” Serena could feel her eyes stinging with tears. The thought of anyone else kissing those gorgeous lips, the thought of anyone touching her soft skin, tracing their fingers slowly along the contours of Bernie’s strong, toned…She was suddenly brought back out of her thoughts as she felt Bernie holding her hand tighter.

“She kissed me, and I let her. She was pretty, God, about 10 years my junior. I was hoping I would feel something, hoping it would take my pain away, hoping in some ways it would make me forget about you…but it didn’t. It just felt wrong. So stopped, and I told her I had to leave. I told her that I couldn’t.” Bernie was looking straight into Serena’s eyes now, and it was unusual. Bernie never really was one for eye contact but right now there was no barrier between their souls.

“Why?” Serena croaked out. It was none of her business, none of this was. In truth she regretted sleeping with Robbie, she had when she realised what a mess she had made of things. And yet she found herself unable to not ask the question.

Bernie now finding the strength and confidence to do so moved in closer, her hand resting gently on Serena’s cheek as her thumb brushed over her cheekbone in gentle motions.

“Because, Serena, none of them were you.” As Bernie spoke, there was so much raw emotion present in her voice that it brought Serena to tears. A silent tear fell from Serena’s eye and Bernie tentatively wiped it away, never breaking the eye contact they had built up.

As she attempted to speak, words failed Serena and she plunged herself forward, her hands flying into the blonde’s unruly curls and her lips attacking her own.

Bernie’s breath caught in her throat as she kissed the brunette back, pushing all of her love and regret into this one kiss. It seemed to last an eternity, and yet only seconds; both fighting for dominance, and hands wandering over each other’s bodies.

Serena was the first to let out a soft moan against Bernie’s lips as the other woman’s hands slipped under her blouse, grazing over her warm skin. Bernie had never heard a sound more beautiful, and despite wanting to hear that sound over and over, on repeat for the rest of her days, she pulled away from their kiss, breaking the moment they had created between themselves.

“Wow,” Serena gasped into the air, her hands still clutching at the blonde hair of the other woman. She bit her lip, and Bernie smirked, running her tongue over her own lips, sighing happily at the taste of Serena mixed with Shiraz.

As Bernie leaned in and captured Serena’s lips in another searing kiss, Serena began to initiate something more. She felt the brunettes hands under her jumper, her palms smoothing over the naked expanse of her back. Bernie let out a soft moan against Serena’s lips, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth, causing Serena to make one of the most beautiful sounds Bernie is certain she has ever heard.

“God, I want you.” Bernie breathed into the air as she pulled away slightly, still so close that their noses were almost brushing against each other.

“Then have me.” Serena spoke huskily, clearly the arousal was taking over. Serena lifted her hands higher on Bernie’s back find the clap of her bra. Bernie bit her lip as Serena expertly unhooked it, letting her hands travel round to her front to cup her breasts, which were still encased by her bra.

“No.” Bernie spoke unsteadily as she moved backwards, creating some distance between them before her desire took over she ravished her and now on Serena’s sofa. “No.” She repeated, this time firmer and more sure of herself.

“What? Why?” Serena looked confused, and she tilted her head to one side in that cute little way that Bernie adored.

“I want to do this properly, Serena. I don’t want to rush into things, especially when this would be your first experience with a woman…I want it to be perfect. I want to take you out on a date. A proper date.” Bernie spoke, their eye contact resumed and stronger than ever.

A smile played at the corners of Serena’s lips. “A date?” she questioned, removing her hands from underneath the blonde’s jumper.

“Yes, I would like to take you out to dinner. I start back at work tomorrow, and I know everything will have to be hush hush between us, but I would really like to give it a try. I would really like to do this properly.” Bernie was being completely honest and it warmed Serena’s heart to see her be so honest.

“Okay.” Serena agreed. “Thursday? After work? Pick me up at 8:30?” Serena again chewed her bottom lip, and it was a habit Bernie could get used to.

“I will be there.” She secured her promise with a nod of her head and smiled softly. Serena smiled back, but was also deep in thought.

“Bernie,” she whispered, gaining the attention of the blonde who was now trying to decide where she was going to take Serena on their date, it had to be perfect. “The elephant in the room…what happened with Robbie, it meant nothing…” She said slowly, her eyes now trained on the floor. “I was so upset, I was broken and he was there…we were drunk, and it just happened.” Serena spoke to Bernie, the whole time focused in on the floor. She cleared her throat looking up at Bernie. “Every single second I was imagining it was you, thinking of you, hoping that if I closed my eyes and opened them, it would be you…” Serena spoke honestly, now looking Bernie in the eyes. Surprisingly, Bernie smiled and kissed Serena’s hand that she was holding.

“It was my fault for leaving, I should have stayed…I wish I had stayed. I wanted you, I knew I did but it scared the hell out of me that I could want someone as much as I wanted you, so I ran…I’m not angry.” Bernie reassured her, capturing her lips in a kiss much like their first which they shared on the theatre floor. It was soft, slow and unsure.

“Stay with me tonight?” Serena whispered into the silence. “Nothing needs to happen; I just need you to hold me.” Serena looked like a child ready to be told no, but instead Bernie smiled and nodded, standing up and taking Serena’s hand as she led her to her bedroom.

As they laid in Serena’s bed, Serena cosy in her fluffy pyjamas (which Bernie couldn’t help but laugh at, it was bloody adorable) and Bernie, being unprepared, in her boxers and her bra they both felt content in each other’s arms. As Serena began to drift off to sleep, a thought suddenly occurred in her mind. She cleared her throat and turned over in Bernie’s arms so that she was face to face with the beautiful blonde surgeon who was soothingly playing with her hair. Her beautiful blonde surgeon.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know.” Serena whispered. Seeing Bernie’s blow furrow in confusion, she continued. “The little boy. It wasn’t your fault. You are a fantastic surgeon. You are fearless. I admire you.” Serena spoke slowly, stifling a yawn.

Bernie was about to respond when she saw Serena’s eyelids flutter shut. She smiled and watched her for a few minutes, continuing to stroke the brunette hair of the sleeping beauty.

“Thank you.” She whispered, barely loud enough for herself to hear. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for being here. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for showing me hat love is. She pressed a soft, delicate kiss Serena’s her forehead before cuddling down and drifting off into a peaceful sleep of her own, only Serena occupying her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave reviews if you would like me to continue with this story Xxx


	4. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before. Serena pays Bernie a visit in the office on her day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this chapter, but I hope you enjoy it! I don't know about you guys, but I definitely am in need of some Berena fluff after last nights episode, so writing this helped marginally! As always, please leave comments! They really motivate me to continue :)

** Lost in Translation **

** Chapter 4 **

Sun beams streamed through the small gap where the curtains framing Serena’s window failed to meet. Bernie’s squinted against the bright beams, closing her eyes tightly again in all hopes that the fact she had to get up from work would suddenly disappear and she would be able to stay tucked up in bed, wrapped up in Serena, their limbs tangled together. She felt so content…but she knew she had to get up. Convincing herself that 2 more minutes to appreciate the beauty of the woman laying fast asleep in her arms wouldn’t do her any harm, she lay her hand softly upon the brunette’s cheek and smoothed the pad of her thumb over the contours of her smooth cheek. The corners of Bernie’s mouth twitched up into a warm smile, conveying only love and admiration for the woman lying next to her, curled up against her body.

She stole a glance at the clock on Serena’s bedside table. 6.07am. _Shit_. She thought to herself _. I start my shift at 7._

Slowly, she untangled herself from Serena’s limbs and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stood up on shaky legs, exhausted from releasing so many feelings and so much emotional all at once, and the little sleep she managed to get.

Scanning the room, she set her eyes on a notepad on Serena’s dressing table chair. She quickly got dressed, conscious of the time. She didn’t want to be late on her first day back. Scanning the room, she set her eyes on a notepad on Serena’s dressing table chair. She decided it was probably best that she left Serena a note,

**_'Dearest Serena –_ **

**_Good morning my love, I’m so sorry I had to leave before you woke up but I needed to get ready for my shift. Thank you for last night, just being in your company is precious. I hope you have a lovely day off, despite being jealous and rather bitter I will not be graced with your lovely presence on the ward today, I would like you to relax and watch some rubbish daytime TV, don’t work yourself too hard. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t wake you, you just looked so peaceful…I didn’t want to disturb you. Thank you for…well, everything really._ **

**_See you soon,_ **

**_Bernie xxx_ **

**_p.s: you look really cute when you’re sleeping’_ **

She folded the paper in half and scribbled ‘Serena’ on the front in her handwriting that Serena loved so much. She left the note propped up on Serena’s bedside lamp with two paracetamols and a glass of water, before stealing one last glance at her and brushing her lips softly over the brunettes gently, lingering ever so slightly as she whispered “Thank you,” into the air. In all honesty, she couldn’t pin point what she was thankful for. She was thankful for so much: for this woman’s existence, for her reassuring words last night, for Serena’s forgiveness, for the night they shared together last night, no matter how innocent? She wasn’t sure. She just knew she was thankful.

She turned on her heels, grabbing her bag from the lounge before heading off to work.

It was another hour or so before Serena awoke from her deep slumber. She instantly smiled at the memory of the night before, and reached out to feel the other woman’s presence beside her in the bed. When she couldn’t feel anyone there, she opened her eyes and was confused to see the bed empty other than herself. She contemplated it all being a dream. _It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve tricked yourself into believing your dream was a reality…_ she chastised herself. She couldn’t help but notice the banging in her head. She turned her focus to the curtains, noticing the annoying gap in them letting the light beam through.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a piece of paper with her name on it. She smiled to herself and bit her lip as she reached over to pick it up. As she read though the note, she felt her smile widening and her eyes shining bright. She was the poster child for ‘ _Christ, I’m impossibly, irrevocably and undeniably in love.’_

She smiled as she spotted the water and the paracetamol that Bernie had caringly left for her; she lived for these moments of weakness that Bernie showed she cared. She reached for her phone and scrolled through all of her conversations, scrolling and tapping on her screen. She deleted her text conversation with Bernie. All the French, _gone_. All the past, _gone_. This was new. This was the start. She started a new text to Bernie and changed the contents of the text an impossible number of times before finally setting on;

**_‘Hey you, thank you for the paracetamol…much appreciated. I slept like a baby last night…couldn’t think as to why…X S’_ **

She didn’t even have chance to place her phone down before it vibrated with a response from Bernie.

**‘Hey yourself. You’re welcome, I presumed you would need them. Have a chilled day today, drink plenty of water. I would be inclined to say that it was possibly being wrapped up in the strong arms of your macho army medic? ;) X B’**

Serena let out a low chuckle, and couldn’t hide the blush that creeped up onto her cheeks. She read the words ‘wrapped up in the strong arms of _your_ macho army medic’. _YOUR MACHO ARMY MEDIC!_ She internally screamed to herself.

She smirked to herself. She was really starting to believe that this could happen. That they could genuinely be happy.

She got up and got showered, ignoring the dull ache between her legs as she stood, still present from the night before. She showered in peace, humming and singing happily as she washed her hair, smiling giddily with _her_ macho army medic on her mind.

She found herself rummaging through her wardrobe, searching for something to wear. Something she hadn’t worn before. Something… _sexy_? She fixed her hands on a low cut white blouse with vertical lines of burgundy running through it. It was a present from Elinor, an apology for not being able to meet up with her mum as they had planned. She paired it with some rather tight fitting black dress pants which cupped her arse rather nicely, if she did say so herself. She slipped her feet into some heels (also a present from Elinor, again in return for not being able to come to dinner with her and Jason) which were the same colour as the burgundy stripes adorning the blouse, and she took a look in the mirror. _Not bad, Campbell…_ She had just enough cleavage on show to be teasing, but not enough to look slutty. Her collarbone was present, framing her chest beautifully, her arse was cupped nicely in the tight fitting black trousers, shaping it and making it look irresistible. The heels elongated her legs, making her look elegant.

Walking down the stairs, she made breakfast and contemplated the rest of her actions for the day.

Three hours later and she found herself sat at the kitchen table, still deep in piles of paperwork. _So much bloody paperwork…_ she sighed to herself. It wasn’t even half as bearable without Bernie’s beautiful face. Never mind knowing that, that beautiful face was now back. _Was now her macho army medic._ She smirked to herself…she wasn’t going to get over that.

Her phone vibrated against the wood of the table about minutes later and she picked it up, smiling as she saw Bernie’s name flash up on the screen with a text message.

**‘Going into surgery now…I miss you. B x’**

Serena sighed inwardly, smiling brightly. She was glad that Bernie really was trying. A thought then crossed her mind…

She was doing paperwork in her kitchen…BUT she could be doing paperwork in her office...where Bernie is! She bit her lip and shoved all of her paperwork into her bag, grabbing her laptop, key and phone before heading towards the door.

She drove to the hospital, with only thoughts of a certain tall, blonde, macho army medic occupying her mind.

Bernie couldn’t concentrate. Her mind was only focussed on one thing…one person…Serena bloody Campbell. All she could think about was the night before. How it felt to kiss her lips, how much she had wanted her then and there, how good it felt to have the brunette’s hands wandering all over her body, how natural it had felt to wake up next to her. She sighed happily, running her fingers through her hair. She had wanted her. It was undeniable.

It wasn’t the first time…there had been many times the great Berenice Wolfe had wanted to ravish her, even before their first kiss. But this time…God, it had been so inexplicably difficult to tear herself away. To say no to something that she had been wanting, dreaming about for so long was as excruciating as the throbbing arousal between her thighs. It wouldn’t have been right to have made love then. It wouldn’t have been right. Not for their first time, anyway. She wanted to make it special, and she was determined to do just that. She just needed to plan their first official date.

She shook her head, ridding herself of the thought as she made her way back to the office, making a detour to Pulses to grab a coffee, she was exhausted.

Back on the ward, she was stopped by Fletch who passed on some obs to her, and she smiled in satisfaction that they seemed stable so far.

Walking into her office, she stopped in her tracks when her eyes fixated upon the figure sat there in front of her, writing on a sheet of paper.

Her face broke out into a wide grin at the sight of Serena sitting there. She instantly noticed her choice of clothing and bit her lip. Her blouse was cut a lot lower than usual, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from that tempting flesh, her beautiful neck…       

“Serena,” she breathed out in a slightly strangled voice. “What…what are you doing here?” she asked, not hiding the fact that she was shocked.

“I had some paperwork to do.” She said, smirking down at the files on her desk, biting her lip as she continued to write on the forms.

“And, uh, you couldn’t have done that from home?” Bernie’s tone was laced with a smirk and she walked further into the room, perching herself on the corner of Serena’s desk before continuing.

“It couldn’t just simply be that you…maybe, just wanted to see a certain Macho Army Medic, huh?” She smirked down at Serena, noticing the pink blush that crept up her neck and across her cheeks.

Serena was still unsure of what their relationship meant now after last night. In Serena’s opinion, showing naked emotion was a lot more revealing than naked skin. It wasn’t that anything really happened between them that hadn’t happened before. They had kissed, they had allowed each other a slight teaser of each other’s bodies as they kissed, and yet everything still felt very different. They had slept in Serena’s bed together last night. It was purely innocent, purely unimpeachable, purely irreproachable…purely because they craved each other’s warm, loving embrace.

That’s what felt different, Serena thought. They had shared such an innocent, yet intimate moment together, and it felt completely natural. It felt right, and although it scared Serena half to death at how strong her feelings were for the blonde, she felt secure, she had somehow convinced herself that after everything that had transpired between them, that Bernie wasn’t going to run this time.

“Maybe that had a slight impact on my final decision, Major.” Serena’s reply was smug, and she looked up to meet Bernie’s eyes which were concentrated sternly on the soft bit of skin between her neck and her ear. _God, that looks kissable…_ Bernie thought to herself.

Breaking the tension, Serena broke the eye contact and looked down at the unfinished paperwork on her desk before standing to her feet from her chair. She smirked to herself as Bernie’s position on the desk and their close proximity meant that as Serena stood from her chair, Bernie’s thigh pressed in-between her thighs. Bernie bit her lip and let out a low husky groan as Serena moved from that position. Serena trailed her finger down Bernie’s thigh before making her way over towards her filing cabinet to retrieve some more folders.

Serena’s smirk was still intact, playing on her lips as she flicked through the files in the cabinet, _I really need to sort this out soon,_ she thought. The smirk was wiped off her face however, when she felt herself pushed hard against the cold metal of the filing cabinet, the drawer slamming shut loudly. A sharp gasp left the brunettes lips when she felt Bernie’s front pressed hard against her back.

Serena let out a low moan and tilted her head backwards as Bernie kissed her neck, her hands resting on the brunette’s waist.

“What do you think you’re doing, Ms. Wolfe?” Serena managed through broken gasps.

“I could ask you the same thing, Ms. Campbell. Do you often go around teasing your _equals_?” Bernie smirked at her own words. She was never going to let her forget that.

“Only the ones I really, really like.” Came Serena’s reply, and even though Bernie couldn’t see her face, she could tell she was smirking just from the tone of her voice. That was all Bernie could take. She pulled Serena away from the filing cabinet and turned her around in her arms to face her.

“God, Serena – you…you look so sexy.” She said as she leaned in to kiss her lips hungrily. Serena instantly reciprocated the kiss with just as much want, her hands flying into Bernie’s unruly curls.

Serena moaned against her lips as Bernie backed her against the office wall, kissing her with fervour and intensity. Bernie’s kisses trailed from Serena’s lips to her neck, spending an agonizing amount of time sucking on her pulse point while Serena gasped and panted, biting her lip. She trailed her kisses further, kissing along her collarbone before flicking her tongue out and licking the soft expanse of skin in between her breasts that was revealed with much thanks to the blouse.

Bernie slowly began to undo each button on Serena’s shirt, kissing each new section of skin revealed with just as much love as the last before kissing back up her body and capturing her lips in a searing kiss once again.

Serena’s hands made their way under Bernie’s scrub top, and under the thin layer of her sports bra and Bernie’s thigh founds itself, once again, separating Serena’s thighs. Bernie moaned into Serena’s mouth as she felt her slowly brush her thumb over her nipple, her breath catching in her throat. She brought Serena back in for another long, rough kiss. Serena dragged Bernie’s bottom lip between her teeth roughly, moaning into her mouth.

Just as she was about to finish unbuttoning Serena’s blouse, she jumped backwards as the door handle moved. She shot Serena a look of _‘shit. Act natural_.’ With a sequel of ‘ _Fuck, that was hot.’_ She attempted to flatten her hair down, and then acted as though she was looking through some files as Fletch and Raff appeared in the doorway.

Their faces were flushed as they looked in their direction, and they laughed.

“Everything okay ladies?” Raff asked, an eyebrow raised.

“I thought you were off today, Serena?” Fletch added.

“I was. I am. I just came in to do paperwork.” She said in a strained voice, much to Bernie’s amusement.

“Ah, I see. Bernie can we borrow you a sec.” Raff seemed reasonably fooled by Serena’s excuse _. He wouldn’t have been if he had appeared only a few minutes later…_ Bernie thought to herself.

“Uh…yeah sure. I’ll be with you in two seconds, guys.” She smiled softly at them and they nodded their thanks before heading out to the nurse’s station to wait for her.

Bernie smiled and then was met with Serena’s lips upon hers once again.

“I need you, Bernie.” She whispered into her ear, taking her earlobe into her mouth, between her teeth.

“Serena…I…no, we need to do this properly.” Bernie argued, “and…this is also work.” She laughed.

“Then let’s go out tonight. After your shift.” She said hopefully, looking into Bernie’s eyes.

“I’m seeing Cam tonight…” She spoke regrettably. “but if you can wait until tomorrow…” she grinned.

“I’m not sure whether I can wait. But it’s a date, nonetheless.” Serena smirked as Bernie winked and turned on her heels to meet Raff and Fletch at the Nurses station as requested.

 _Oh God, I’m not sure if I can wait either…_ Bernie thought to herself. Just 24 hours, right?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Will the date be next chapter? Will their BE a date? Please leave reviews! Also, thoughts: should there be an M rated section? Would people read that? thank you! :)


	5. Dinner?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie is meeting Cameron for lunch. While sat waiting, she realises what she did to Serena by leaving. When Cam can't attend dinner due to work, she puts a plan in action. What happens when one person she really didn't expect to see turns up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely reviews on last chapter, and I have taken note of all the 'yes please' comments about turning this M rated! So it will be eventually M rated, wahoo! This chapter kind of had a life of it's own, I wrote it at half 4 in the morning when I couldn't sleep but I'm confident it's leading to a good place! There's a slight M rated bit in here, but nothing major (pun intended), just yet...
> 
> Enjoy, and please let me know what you think/what you would like to see by leaving a review! Xxx

** Lost in Translation **

** Chapter 5 **

It was nearing 8pm, and Bernie was on her way to meet Cameron at their chosen restaurant. Could you call Pizza Hut a restaurant? It was Cameron’s decision, obviously. It had always been his favourite. Bernie smiled at the memories that flooded her memory of when she would come back off tour and they would all go out to Pizza Hut as family. _Family_. The word felt like acid on her tongue. It wasn’t a family, not really. Merely a man and a woman with two children which they both loved way too much to put them through their parents splitting up. _But that was all in the past now_ , she thought to herself.

Bernie had left the hospital early so that she had time to have a shower and get changed before meeting up with Cameron. Seen as the ward had been reasonably quiet, it hadn’t caused many issues. She had said her goodbyes to her fellow colleagues and then made her way in to the office she shared with her _equal_ , she smirked to herself…nope, still not letting that go.

Serena looked up from her desk, a smile forming on her lips at the sight of Bernie, “Hey, Major.”

“Hey yourself,” she smiled before grabbing her coat and her bag. She had already changed from her scrubs into her clothes, and Serena furrowed her brow.

“Where are you going?” She looked down at the time on her computer. It was only 6.04pm. They didn’t clock off until 8.

“I’m finishing a little early today, I thought I’d better go home and get showered and changed before I meet up with Cam.” She smiled kindly towards Serena, and she was rewarded with a nod in return.

“Okay.” Serena nodded, contemplating her next set of words. “but I can’t say that I won’t miss your presence considerably.”

“Oh, Ms. Campbell you flatter me.” Bernie smirked, her flirtatious tone taking over completely. “And for the record…I will miss your presence always. Always do.” She smiled, bit her lip and then left the office, leaving Serena to ponder over the many meanings of the two small words that just left a certain trauma surgeons lips.

Once Bernie had left the hospital, she had driven straight home, singing along to the radio. She had a shower, washed her hair in her watermelon scented shampoo and then washed herself, taking her time to relax underneath the warm, relaxing pellets of water that were covering her skin, leaving goose bumps in their watery trail. She smiled when she saw the goose bumps. They reminded her of the night before, of how when Serena touched her bare skin with her delicate fingers. Every hair on Bernie’s body had stood to attention, her skin erupting in goose bumps from the most innocent of touches. She could only imagine what reaction would be had if those lovely fingers were to touch her elsewhere. And God, she did imagine.

Her hand fell to rest in between her thighs, biting her lip so hard that she swore she could taste blood when her finger tips brushed over her wetness, quickly moving up and down the length of her folds before thrusting a first finger inside herself, her eyes closed tightly as her mind focussed only on Serena, on her fingers, on her freckles, on the small area of skin in-between her ear and her neck that was oh so kissable. She added another finger to join the first, alternating between fast and hard and slow and deep, changing up her rhythm to prolong the inevitable orgasm. She focused on her perfect arse, on her big brown eyes, on the way her lips felt, how her hair always smelt incredible, on her raspy voice saying her name over, and over, and over…

After taking an unbelievably long, ahem, _shower_ thinking of Serena, she stood in front of her wardrobe, chewing at her lip. She decided to go casual with a pair of black skinny jeans and a gorgeous wine red button down blouse that had the shoulders cut out. She rarely wore makeup, but she felt like she should make the effort. She hadn’t seen Cam in a while, after all. She applied some light powder, bronzed her cheeks and coated her eyelashes in black mascara. She looked at herself in the long mirror on the other door of her wardrobe.

“It’ll do,” she said under her breath. She knew she wasn’t unattractive, but she also struggled to find herself attractive. She didn’t understand the logic behind such thoughts, but it was true nonetheless. She applied some lipstick to her lips, rubbing them together and letting go with a ‘pop’ noise.

**

Serena looked at her watch. 9.06pm. Yep…exactly 3 minutes and approximately 17 seconds since the last time she had allowed herself a glance down at her watch. _How many hours had it been now since I saw Bernie’s gorgeous face?_ She questioned herself silently. She left at just after 6pm…it was now just after 9pm. 3 hours. Was that it?! She felt silly. She missed her already…she had only just got back! She didn’t want to be away from her…

She found herself pondering over the words that had left a certain trauma surgeon’s lips earlier that day _. ‘And for the record…I will miss your presence always. Always do.’_ She replayed those words in her mind an unholy amount of times. It could mean so many things...it was like a jigsaw puzzle, much like the woman herself. Did it mean she missed her when she was in France? Did it mean she misses her when she isn’t around? Did it mean she missed her when Serena had a day off work and Bernie was alone in their office? It could mean all that, and more…

Serena hadn’t been home from work very long, despite the fact that she technically was off. She had decided to stay back for a little bit to finish off some last bits and pieces of paperwork. She was currently reclined upon the sofa, nursing a glass of shiraz and watching ‘Mamma Mia’. She would never admit it to anybody, but she was partial to a musical or two.

**

Bernie had been sat in Pizza Hut for almost twenty-five minutes waiting for Cameron. She had already had a glass of wine, and was well on her second. She sat and waited in silence, swilling the wine around the glass, careful not to spill any of the wine. _No Shiraz will go to waste on my watch…Serena would kill me!_ The name of the woman in question instantly brought a smile to Bernie’s lips. She couldn’t believe that she was so much of a coward that she actually left that woman, standing in the middle of AAU. Serena’s words echoed through Bernie’s conscience and she closed her eyes and held onto her glass tighter at the memory. _It had all started off just fine_ …she thought to herself, remembering the conversation they shared in their shared office.

_“I don’t want you to go…”_

_“I know I don’t want to hurt you because I care about you…”_

And then it had all gone wrong _. I could have reacted in so many different ways, but I took the easy way out._ Bernie was still angered by her actions, it still hurt her to know how much pain she had caused Serena. _I should have just listened to her…_ Bernie thought, her hand coming up to sweep a stray piece of her fringe out of her eyes. _I should have told her I loved her. I should have told her that I wanted her. I should have stayed…_ these were all of Bernie’s thoughts, but she was under no illusion that it was too late for ‘should have’ thinking.

_“Please don’t do this…”_

_“Serena”_

_“I could come and see you-“_

_“No-“_

_“Or we could meet half way-“_

_“STOP! Please…I’m sorry.”_

It pained Bernie to remember this moment they shared. She had been such a fucking coward. How could she have been so heartless? It broke her heart, no, it shattered her heart to remember the crestfallen expression which settled upon Serena’s features _. I made her feel undesirable. I made her feel unloved. I made her feel stupid. I made her feel like a joke._ All this swirled around in Bernie’s head, her eyes clouding up with the early onset of tears forming in her eyes, already stinging defiantly. Her deep thought was broken by the chime of her phone. As she peered down at the screen, she noticed it was a text message from Cam. She sighed upon reading the contents of that said text message.

**_‘Hey Mum, I am so sorry but I will not be able to make dinner tonight. I’ve been held up at work – I tried to get out of it but no luck. I’m really sorry, I was looking forward to seeing you. We can arrange for another day, right? Cam xx’_ **

_Great_ , she sighed to herself. Now not only did she look like a loner sat in Pizza Hut on her own with a glass of wine, she had nothing to do all night…and to top it off, she had left work early (left Serena, more like) to get ready for this meal. She shook her head, ridding herself of all the irrational thoughts in her head. It wasn’t Cams fault; she knew how it was so she texted him back almost instantly.

**_‘It’s okay, Cam. Hope work is going well. See you soon though? Miss you. Stay safe xx’_ **

She stayed seated, contemplating her options. She could order food…or she could go home and watch the Harry Potter marathon… _again_. She sighed before a smirk appeared on her lips. She gulped down the rest of her wine, before placing the glass back down on the table. She smiled at the waiter a little bit too eagerly and he smiled in response, giving her a nod of his head.

“Hope you enjoy your evening, ma’am.”

A small smirk appeared on her lips as she nodded her appreciation back to him. She opened her web browser on her phone and began frantically typing, eventually ringing a number that she had found. She had an idea…

**

It was now just gone 9:30pm and Serena was still lounging on her sofa, now flicking through various channels. She was bored. She wanted to text Bernie, but she knew that she was with Cameron and didn’t want to interrupt their catch up, after all it had been a long time since he had seen his mother. She lifted her wine glass to her lips, taking a sip and sighing in delight as the rich liquid slid down her throat, earning an appreciative hum in response from the brunette.

When Serena heard a knock on her door, she raised her eyebrow in question. She hadn’t invited anybody round, the post would be either very late or very early, Jason was with Alan…who on earth could it be? And at gone 9:30pm?

She stood from her previous position on her sofa and slipped her feet into her fluffy slippers, still dressed in the clothes she had worn that day, her makeup still intact after topping up her powder and her lipstick. She shuffled through to the hallway to open the door, her mouth dropping slightly in shock, before her mouth formed itself into a wide grin.

“Bernie – what – what are you doing here? You’re meant to be – I thought you were –?” Serena rambled upon seeing the unexpected beauty at her doorstep. Bernie laughed, pleased she could have such an effect.

“He cancelled, got caught up at work.” She explained, before grinning sheepishly. “so…I booked us a table at that restaurant in town. _Bel Ristorante Italiano…_ ” she looked at her watch. “and the reservation is for half 10, so get your shoes on, _bella_.” Bernie smiled softly, biting her lip when she spoke. She sounded so sure of herself, so confident…yet she was almost petrified of being turned down…by Serena. She was sure she could cope with being turned down by anyone else, but not her.

An **inscrutable expression** fell into place upon Serena’s beautiful features. She stood there, wordless for a few seconds, looking straight into Bernie’s eyes before taking her own bottom lip between her teeth and dragging it between them, hard. A smirk finally settled upon the brunettes face.

“You’re bloody lucky I decided not to get into my pyjamas when I got home from work, Ms. Wolfe.”

Bernie felt her own face light up with a coy grin, pulling the woman standing in front of her towards her by her hips.

“You had me worried then, Ms. Campbell.” She pulled her closer by her hips once more, pressing her red lips against the soft, pinker ones of the brunette. “I will get you back for that,” Bernie hummed, her heart still racing in her chest from the suspense of waiting for Serena’s response, and the kiss the just shared.

Leaning in, Serena’s teeth grazed Bernie’s earlobe as she flicked her tongue out to soothe over the flesh there, before pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin behind Bernie’s ear.

Serena’s voice was merely a hum and she looked back into the eyes of the blonde, her face alight with an oh so dreamy expression. “I will look forward to it,” and with that, she turned on her heels and walked back into her house to grab her bag, her coat and slip her feet into her shoes, leaving Bernie stood on her doorstep, still recovering from the moment they just shared and the ever present ache returning between her thighs.

**

The drive to the restaurant was spent mostly in companionable silence, the two of them content in just each other’s company. Serena would rest her hand atop of Bernie’s as she changed the gears, and Bernie would rest her hand on Serena’s thigh after the gear had been changed.

Neither of them could think straight, they both knew what this meant. After this date, there was nothing stopping them from taking things further between them…and they both wanted it but it was the delving into the unknown aspect that was scaring Serena half to death.

 _What if I’m not good enough? What if she sees my body and doesn’t like it? What if I can’t pleasure her? What if I’m not enough for her, and our friendship is ruined?_ All these thoughts swirled around Serena’s head, chewing nervously at her lip. _No, I’m not going to overthink this. I want Bernie, Bernie wants me._ She mentally tried to convince herself.

**

They walked into the restaurant hand in hand, Bernie holding the door open for Serena to go in first. Serena smiled, and did as instructed. She loved it when Bernie played a _gentleman,_ there was something about the way they fell into this so easily that comforted Serena and made her stomach fill with, metaphorical of course, butterflies.

“I reserved a table for two, under the name of Wolfe.” Bernie spoke so easily, and Serena had to smile. There was something about this that had always felt infinitely intimate to Serena, and it was only intensified dramatically by the company she was in.

A tall male waiter showed them both to their reserved table, smiling at the pair. He was fairly young and was dressed in a smart black suit, his stubble neatly shaven and his chocolate brown hair in a quiff at the front, his green eyes stood out a mile. He was very attractive, Serena admitted to herself, he looked around Elinor’s age and she found herself wondering why Elinor couldn’t find someone as decent as he seemed to be. Serena found herself wondering whether his first impression of them was that they were on a date, or whether they were friends, or work colleagues… _well, any of them would be accurate_ , she thought.

The boy showed them to their respective table and then made his way back to his former position, ready to greet the beautiful restaurants other guests of the night. They both sat down and Bernie instantly reached across the table to hold Serena’s hand, passing her a menu with her free hand.

“Thank you for…this.” Serena smiled, breaking the silence and pursing her lips.

“Thank you for agreeing to this.” Bernie sheepishly smiled. “Serena, I don’t want to dampen the mood or bring the past back up-“

“Then don’t.” Serena whispered, closing her eyes against the memories of Bernie leaving. She removed her hand from inside Bernie’s, now looking down at her clasped hands resting on the table.

“Serena.” Bernie spoke quietly, but sternly. “I just…I need you to know that I…what I’m trying to say is that I thought about you every single second of every single day. I missed you with all my heart, and I hated myself for leaving. In all truth, I still do. I still hate myself for hurting you…” Bernie sighed and took another deep breath. “I’m so grateful for this chance. I’m so grateful for you, Serena…I love-“ Bernie was cut off by a familiar voice. A very familiar voice. _It can’t be…_

Bernie turned her head, quickly followed by Serena who had also heard this certain voice before. Serena looked back at Bernie, scrutinizing her every expression. Serena knew exactly who this woman was and Bernie’s gasp confirmed Serena’s suspicions. She had met this woman once before…in the Hospital.

“Alex?” Bernie’s voice sounded strangled, it sounded weak and yet strong all at once and Serena could barely decipher one emotion from the next…all her emotions were bleeding into one.

“What are you doing here? I thought – shouldn’t you be – why are you working here?” Bernie couldn’t think straight. She didn’t know what to say, to do…she breathed in deeply.

Serena eyed this woman carefully. She was gorgeous, there was no doubt about it. She could certainly see why Bernie had found her so attractive and her heart fell. Alex was tall, she was stick thin, she was experienced in areas Serena had never even contemplated before Bernie came along. Alex Dawson was everything Serena Campbell was not, and she wouldn’t blame Bernie if she were to choose Alex now, over herself…

Out of nowhere, Bernie grabbed Serena’s hand over the table, holding it tightly, almost sensing Serena’s insecurity. She smoothed her thumb over Serena’s hand gently.

“I left the Army.” Alex spoke into the silence bitterly. “ _For you_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so please don't hate me just yet...it will all work out, I can guarantee you that ;) please leave reviews on what you thought of this chapter and what you would potentially like to see in the next! I wrote this chapter and posted it a lot quicker than planned because I was so inspired by peoples reviews! Xxx


	6. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena's first date got off to a rocky start with Alex turning out to be a waitress in the restaurant. Will things take a turn for the worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I almost didn't update because I'm not sure people are reading this story? but I enjoy writing it so I thought I'd write this chapter :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, please leave a review if you would like me to continue. Xxx

**Lost in Translation**

** Chapter 6 **

_Out of nowhere, Bernie grabbed Serena’s hand over the table, holding it tightly, almost sensing Serena’s insecurity. She smoothed her thumb over Serena’s hand gently._

_“I left the Army.” Alex spoke into the silence bitterly. “For you.”_

**

Bernie started at this woman incredulously. _Why? Why now?_ She thought to herself. What on earth did this woman think she was playing at? How could she say this? They were over. They had been over for so long, and yet she still had the audacity to –

“I still love you.” Alex’s words came quick and sharp. She was staring down at the blonde, all but pleading for her to come back to her.

The words spilling from Alex’s mouth cut like a knife through Serena, and she was suddenly aware that she felt very, very sick. She moved her hand from where it lay encased by Bernie’s and stood up.

“If you would excuse me for a moment, I’m just going to the bathroom.” Serena’s voice sounded weak, defeated and almost defeated and she made no attempt to make eye contact. Bernie reached out for her again but Serena just stepped away from their table and made her way to the bathroom.

Once Serena was out of sight, Bernie turned to Alex with a scowl fixed upon her lips. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing, Alex?”

“I came back for you. I tried to live without you, but nothing felt right Bern…nothing was the same without you there. I felt empty. I know you miss me as much as I miss you, we were great together, remember? I know you want me too, Bern…I want you.”

Bernie shook her head, she couldn’t believe the audacity of this woman who she once… _who you once what, Bernie?_ She thought to herself. Loved her? She knew now that she hadn’t loved her, despite all the time thinking what they had was love.

Serena was stood with her palms flat against the sink area, staring down into the basin. She bit her lip in an attempt to stop the tears that had been building from falling unceremoniously down her cheeks. _This was it…_ Serena thought to herself. _I just got Bernie back, my Bernie…and now I’m going to lose her again!_ At that thought, she felt a warm, salty tear roll down her cheek and onto her lips. She shook her head, raising her head so to look at herself in the mirror. She stifled a laugh. _Who could blame her, really?_ She critiqued her appearance expertly, finding flaws in every aspect of her being. _Why would she ever choose me over Alex? She wouldn’t._ She asked and her inner conscience answered.

Serena inhaled a deep breath before walking back out into the restaurant, and over to Bernie…and Alex. She felt a pang in her chest when she realised the rather beautiful brunette was still there, talking to the woman she loved. _They must be working things out_ …Serena instantly jumped to the negative outcome of this situation. She felt a magnetic pull towards the door, to just go and leave them both to it but something stopped her and she fought against the pull, walking over to the table. She stopped in her tracks as she heard Bernie’s words loud and clear.

“You have no right to state what you want, Alex! I have moved on, and so should you. What we had wasn’t love, if we are both honest with ourselves it was just a few quick fumbles when no one was watching, it was just sex Alex. What we had, it wouldn’t last, nor would it work outside of the Army.” Bernie took a second to breathe and look at Alex. She looked small, and broken and like she had just been crushed then and there but Bernie knew there was no other way around it.

“I love Serena, Alex. And I will not let you ruin that.” Bernie ended her speech just as Serena came to reach the table.

Serena cleared her throat to make her presence known, her eyes wide.

“You…you, you love me?”

The sound of Serena’s voice made both the women’s heads spin around to face her. Bernie’s mouth opened and closed a few times. She hadn’t seen Serena approaching; she was too engrossed in giving the woman in front of her a piece of her mind. She bit her lip and took in a deep breath.

“Yes,” she managed, turning her attention away from Alex and completely focusing on Serena. “Yes…that’s what I was about to say before we were interrupted before…I know its soon, but I do. I love you, Serena.” Bernie’s features were soft, they were displaying honesty and nervousness, showing Serena that she was speaking the truth.

Serena opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Alex’s harsh tone cutting through their bubble once again.

“You love _her_?!” Alex spat out the words, emphasising the ‘her’ with venom in her tone. She sounded bitter, hurt, ready for a challenged.

Serena watched as Alex looked her up and down and she saw the smirk that appeared upon Alex’s lips. Feeling suddenly very self-conscious, Serena sat down at the table, not looking at either woman and instead taking great interest in a loose thread on the sleeve of her blouse.

“ _Yes_.” Bernie’s response was short, it was quick and it was harsh.

“You’ve got to be kidding me right? She’s hardly 20 years old is she, and she’s packing on a few more pounds than necessary!” Alex’s voice was infused with venom as she spoke, boring her eyes into Serena’s form, sat hunched over the table in a defeated manner, still playing with that same thread. _God, she would have to give that thread a name soon…_

“Yes, I love her! I love her with all my heart, and this isn’t how I wanted to finally have the courage to tell her, but I love her. To me, Serena is the most beautiful woman inside and out…our relationship is nothing like how we were, Alex. I can’t imagine not spending my life with her, I can’t imagine not having her around. Yes, of course I had feelings for you, but looking back it wasn’t love, Alex…and even you have to see that. It was what it was, and it’s in the past. I don’t want you Alex. I want Serena, and only Serena.” Bernie finished speaking as she stared the taller brunette in the eyes. She wasn’t usually good with words, but it seemed when it came to defending Serena she wouldn’t back down.

“Now, please, just do your job and get us a two glasses of Shiraz.” Bernie laced her words with professionalism and bitterness, topped off with an icy glare.

Alex went to open her mouth, but thought better of it when she saw the glare. She bowed her head and walked over to the bar to prepare their drinks.

Bernie sat down, looking at Serena. Serena looked so small, so defeated…so different to how she would usually carry herself in her professional surroundings on the ward.

“Serena, I’m so sorry…” Bernie barely managed a whisper as she looked at Serena, trying desperately to get Serena to make eye contact with her. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.”

Serena slowly lifted her gaze from Sally, she had meanwhile named the thread on her sleeve, and looked Bernie in the eye.

“Did you mean what you said?” Serena’s voice was croaky, strained from holding back the tears and from keeping in all the emotion she so desperately wanted to let out. “Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

Bernie smiled softly at this, a gentle smile that was barely there but there all the same. “Yes, darling...I meant it with every single fibre of my being.”

Serena searched Bernie’s eyes, desperately searching for any fleck of doubt, any little inkling that Bernie wasn’t completely sure. Serena reached across the table, taking Bernie’s within her own, smoothing her thumb over the top of her hand in slow, tentative motions. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, Alex reappeared at the table with two glasses of wine. She placed Serena’s down first, not even bothering to glance at the woman who she seemingly saw as no threat. She then placed Bernie’s glass down, reaching over Serena, knocking her wine glass causing it to spill all over her.

“Oops, I’m sorry.” Alex spoke in a smug voice, “Accidents happen.”

As the wine had spilled, Serena struggled to fight back the tears that were begging to be released. She held a strong composure, not wanting to give Alex the satisfaction of seeing her upset, but Bernie could tell.

Serena decided to play ignorant to the situation and offered Alex a watery smile. “It wasn’t your fault.” _Yes, it was, you stuck up bitch._

Bernie’s blood was boiling, she could see how much this had affected Serena and she’d had enough. She grabbed her coat and her bag and pushed past Alex to get out of the booth.

“Darling, I’m so sorry about this, we’re leaving. Call a cab, I’ll pay for these drinks.” She spoke to Serena quietly, receiving a silent nod from her in response as she grabbed her belongings and Bernie’s phone from her outstretched hand. Serena walked out of the restaurant with her head held down and her jacket clutched against her shirt where the wine stain was. Bernie felt her heart break into a million pieces at how this woman had affected her so much…

Bernie made sure that Serena was on the phone before she started to walk over to Alex who was standing at the bar. Alex lifted her head, her eyes meeting Bernie’s, and a hopeful smile upon her lips only to be met with a scowl firmly placed upon Bernie’s mouth.

“I swear to God, don’t you ever, _ever_ , treat the woman that I love in that way ever again. If you do, I will make it my personal mission to make the army seem like a better place to be than here, you get me? It was all very nice and thoughtful of you to come back here for me, but it was a wasted trip. I love Serena, she is everything…she is kind, strong, beautiful, she is a talented surgeon, a wonderful mother! We were done a long time ago Alex, move on.” Bernie was almost growling, her voice hushed and her scowl still in place as she never lost eye contact with the tall woman. Just as she was about to turn away to leave, she turned back over her shoulder and added…

“I really don’t know who you think you are, what was the point in spilling her wine all over her? That was just unfair. She has never done anything to you.” Bernie had barely finished her sentence before Alex shouted her response, loud enough for the people dining in the restaurant to hear. They all turned their heads to stare at the two in unison.

“She stole you from me!” Her voice was pleading and she slammed her palms down on the bar.

“No Alex, she didn’t. I don’t love you. I love Serena. I want to spend my life with _Serena_.” She spoke her words clearly but quietly, careful not to draw any more attention. “I will never forgive you for the way you have acted tonight and the way you have treated Serena. I want nothing more to do with you, Alex.” As Bernie turned to leave the restaurant, Alex caught Bernie’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Without turning around to afford her even one more glace, Bernie snatched her arm out of Alex’s strong grip and walked out of the restaurant and into the cold air.

Bernie saw Serena straight away. She had her back against the brick wall of the building, her head bowed and her eyes closed tightly, her shoulders were bobbing up and down relentlessly. In that moment, she realised that Serena was crying and hurried over to her, every other worry evaporating from her mind.

“Serena…” she spoke through a breath, enveloping her arms around the brunette’s frame, pulling her tight against her own body, wrapping her arms securely around her. “I’m here, ‘rena. I’m here…I’m not going anywhere.”

**

The cab drive back to Serena’s house was spent in near silence, Serena rarely looking up from her clasped hands which sat in her lap. Bernie’s arms were still wrapped tightly around her frame, and every now and then she would place soft, feather light kisses to her hair, reminding her that she was here, that she wasn’t running away.

Serena got out of the cab almost instantly as it pulled up in front of her house, paying the driver swiftly as she reached over the back seat. Bernie sighed inwardly as she got out of the taxi. _How could something that was meant to be so perfect end up so royally fucked up?_ Bernie threw a ‘thank you’ over her shoulder at the taxi driver as she shut the door. She hung her bag on her shoulder and draped her coat over her arm as she walked inside.

She hung her coat over the banister, then thought better of it as she knew Serena would lecture her on being tidy, so she moved it onto the assigned coat pegs underneath the stairs. She slipped her shoes off by the front door and then stood still, just taking in the events of the night. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply on an inhale, releasing steadily on an exhale and repeating those two simple steps over and over for a few moments. _No, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let tonight end like this._ Bernie thought to herself.

She walked through to the kitchen slowly, watching as she saw Serena deep in thought, sat down at the kitchen table, nursing a glass of wine. Bernie walked over to her, her feet working before her brain had even kicked into gear. It was so natural for her to care about this woman. She sat down in the chair next to Serena.

“Serena, I…I’m so, so sorry for tonight. I just wanted everything to be so perfect for you and it’s all a mess. Ii didn’t know she was going to be there, God, I didn’t even know she was in this country…I didn’t even know she was back.” Bernie now had tears her eyes, mirroring those of Serena’s. Bernie reached forward across the table and encases Serena’s hands within her own and sighs thankfully when she doesn’t move away.

“I don’t blame you, Bernie.” Serena’s voice was barely a whisper, but it was just loud enough for Bernie to hear. “for any of it.”

Bernie looked at Serena, confusion washed across her features. Serena cleared her throat in an attempt to make her voice sound less weak.

“She’s beautiful, Bernie…I can certainly see why you find her so attractive.” Serena took a deep breath, closing her eyes against the thoughts spinning around in her head.

“ _Found_.” Bernie corrected immediately. “I _found_ her attractive. I don’t see what I saw in her now, if I’m honest Serena. Especially after tonight…I’m attracted to hearts, not just bodies and she proved tonight that her heart is not beautiful. It is bitter.” Bernie took another breath before turning more to face Serena, still holding her hands tightly within her own.

“Serena…” Bernie began to speak again but was completely cut off by Serena, who now had tears rolling defiantly down her cheeks.

“She’s everything I’m not, Bernie…she’s tall, she’s beautiful, she’s got the tiniest figure…she’s experienced in ways I am not…she-“

“Serena, stop it…now.” Bernie spoke softly but sternly all at once, and in that instant Serena let her guard down, her tears falling freely and she clutched onto Bernie’s hand, scared that if she didn’t hold on that she would lose her.

“Serena, you have no idea how beautiful you are, do you? You are so beautiful. I love everything about your body, and there are so many aspects of it I haven’t yet had the chance to appreciate. I love your freckles, your delicate fingers, your ears, your little nose…there is not one thing about you, that I don’t absolutely love.” Bernie spoke with absolute honesty, and a smile on her lips almost disbelieving that this woman could see herself as anything less than perfect. “You are who I want, Serena…I want to be with you, the fact you aren’t experienced doesn’t bother me. It makes me love you all the more the fact that you would trust me enough to show you new things.”

“Bern-“ Serena tried to speak, her eyes staring into Bernie’s.

“No, Serena…please, let me finish.” Serena nodded in response and Bernie continued. “You are who I want. Yes, Alex is attractive in a general way, tall, she’s very skinny and she is experienced…but she isn’t you. I want you, Serena…in every single aspect of the word. I want to wake up with you in the mornings, I want to drink wine with you in the evenings, I want to spend Birthday’s, Christmas’ and new year’s with you, I want to make love to you…I want to show you how beautiful you truly are to me, Serena. I’ve never thought that far ahead about anyone, ‘Rena…I love you.” Bernie never once took her eyes away from those of Serena’s.

They sat searching one another’s eyes for what felt like hours, days, years, centuries…but in reality it was mere seconds before Serena broke the silence.

“I love you too, Berenice Wolfe.” Serena’s words were croaky, raw and broken from the strain of the tears but the second Serena’s lips pressed against those of Bernie’s, they both melted into each other’s embrace, seeking comfort in the others lips, their arms wrapping around each other, scared if they lost contact the other would disappear. They only broke apart when the need for air became a necessity.

“You have no idea how much I love you, Serena Campbell.” Bernie whispered against Serena’s lips, her forehead resting against the brunettes.

Serena looked up into the eyes of the blonde, eyeing her nervously as she contemplated her next set of words carefully, before speaking them aloud.

“Show me then.” Her voice was a mere whisper against Bernie’s bottom lip, and Bernie closed her eyes against the feeling of the brunette’s hot breath against her skin… _heavenly_. Looking into Serena’s eyes, she searched for any doubt in her eyes.

“Are you sure?” she whispered, stroking her cheek with her thumb, their foreheads still pressed together as they spoke.

Serena nodded in response, leaning back from their embrace and taking Bernie’s hand, leading her up the stairs to her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Please leave reviews if you would like me to continue this story, I would love to know what you think of this chapter and also what you would like to happen in the future between them...next chapter will be M rated. Xxx


	7. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE M RATED CHAPTER. Following on from them leading up the stairs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, so this is the M chapter you have all been waiting for! I have never written anything M rated before, so this is a first for me as well as them...just in different ways! haha! Please as always leave reviews, I was blown away by the comments on last chapter so thank you guys! I hope this chapter is okay...I'm very nervous about it!

Lost in Translation

Chapter 7

_“Show me then.” Her voice was a mere whisper against Bernie’s bottom lip, and Bernie closed her eyes against the feeling of the brunette’s hot breath against her skin…_ _heavenly_ _. Looking into Serena’s eyes, she searched for any doubt in her eyes._

_“Are you sure?” she whispered, stroking her cheek with her thumb, their foreheads still pressed together as they spoke._

_Serena nodded in response, leaning back from their embrace and taking Bernie’s hand, leading her up the stairs to her bedroom._

**

Serena was stood in her en-suite bathroom, her hands clinging onto the sink. Her head was spinning; she knew what was about to happen would change their relationship completely. There would be no going back after tonight. She closed her eyes tightly against the thoughts. _No – I want this. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted before in my life._ She thought to herself and she almost shocked herself with the revelation, but it was true…she hadn’t felt so connected to anybody in her entire life.

Her inner conscience was screaming at her to stop, to put an end to this before she got hurt, before she embarrassed herself… _what if I’m not good enough? What if when she sees my body she decides that she doesn’t want me anymore? What if I do something wrong? What if I can’t please her?_ but she didn’t listen. She _couldn’t._ She loved Bernie so much, and she wanted to give herself to her. She had never wanted to share herself with another person as much as she wanted to do so with Bernie. So standing up straight, she looked at herself in the mirror on the wall in front of her.

Serena was stood in only her underwear, the rest of her clothes neatly folded atop of her cabinet. Her underwear wasn’t particularly sexy, but it looked gorgeous on Serena. It was black lace with a hint of pastel purple running through the lace. She chewed at her lip nervously before grabbing her robe from the hook on the back of the door. She wrapped the purple silk material around her body, tying it loosely before taking a deep breath. _This is it_. Her hand wrapped around the doorknob, pushing down and opening the door.

As she walked out of the bathroom door, closing it behind her, she noticed Bernie. Bernie was sat on Serena’s bed, in only her underwear and her unbuttoned shirt. Serena noticed her toned stomach straight away and she felt herself staring, her mouth agape slightly as she took in the gorgeous sight of the woman in front of her. When she finally managed to tear her eyes away from the beauty before her, she became very aware that Bernie’s eyes were scraping up and down her body. Serena bit her lip as she watched Bernie take her all in.

Serena couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, and instinctively she wrapped her arms around her body in vain, knowing it didn’t really cover much up anyway. She had always known that Bernie was fit, but seeing how toned her body was reinforced it immensely. Her memory fell back to Alex’s words in the restaurant, _maybe Alex was right…maybe I am old, maybe I am carrying a few more pounds that necessary…Bernie could do better_. She thought to herself.

Before she could finish her thought process, she became are of Bernie getting up off the bed and walking over to her. Serena momentarily held her breath, watching the beautiful woman in front of her. She released the breath in a short puff of air, her eyes looking up to meet those of Bernie.

“What’s wrong?” Bernie asked, her voice laced with concern as she laid her hand upon Serena’s arm. The whole of Serena’s body tingled as Bernie touched her, her body erupting in goosebumps. Bernie bit her lip, smiling at the effect such an innocent touch had on Serena.

“I…I’m fine, I just…” Serena looked down at the floor, not wanting to look her in the eyes. She knew it was stupid, she knew that she was letting insecurity take over, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was going to be a disappointment to Bernie. “It’s silly, never mind.”

“It’s not silly.” Bernie said softly, taking Serena’s hand in her own and leading her over to the bed. They both sat down, side by side. “If it’s bothering you, then it’s not silly. I love the way you think. Rather a lot, actually.” Bernie offered a small smile in encouragement, placing her hand on top of Serena’s.

“It’s just…I’m so worried I’m going to disappoint you…I mean, I’m not exactly…” Serena spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. She looked down at herself, using her free hand to signal towards her body. She then heard a soft laugh from Bernie, and her hand clap tighter over her own.

“Serena…” Bernie shook her head, at a loss of what to say. “God, you couldn’t disappoint me. Look at you…you are so beautiful.” Bernie looked into Serena’s eyes, her eyes showing only love and honesty. “you are so beautiful, Serena. So, so beautiful.” Bernie then slowly leaned forward, capturing Serena’s lips in a kiss that told her that there was no word of a lie in anything she had been saying.

Serena smiled softly against Bernie’s lips, pulling back to look at Bernie. She was so beautiful…so…she was just so _Bernie_ , and everything about her was gorgeous. Serena reached up and placed her palm against Bernie’s cheek, locking eyes with her. She pressed her lips against those of Bernie’s, their mouths moving perfectly against the other. Serena left her hand placed on Bernie’s cheek and then slowly moved the other one underneath Bernie’s open shirt, brushing her fingers over the soft skin which lay there. They kissed like this for as long as they could manage, the both of them in desperate need of oxygen as they pulled away.

Serena pressed her forehead against Bernie’s, their noses touching. She smiled, closing her eyes. She felt content. This felt so _right_. Not moving from her current position, she lifted her right hand up off the bed, tracing her index finger over Bernie’s lips. Serena bit her lip when Bernie’s tongue flicked out, taking Serena’s finger into her mouth and sucking on it softly. Serena looked up and their eyes met, she removed her finger from Bernie’s mouth and grabbed her face, pulling her towards her and kissing her roughly.

“I want you, Bernie.” She whispered against Bernie’s lips, her breathing hard and she kissed her again. Bernie kissed her back roughly, pushing Serena backwards to lie down on the bed, using her strength to hover over her as she kissed her, her hands wandering Serena’s body for the first time. She removed Serena’s robe, tossing it onto the bedroom floor. Bernie looked down at her, smiling widely. “You’re so beautiful.” She whispered, placing a kiss to her collarbone, kissing all the way along it, taking care to nip at the skin with her teeth during each kiss, and then to soothe it with a flick of her tongue. Serena moaned in response, arching her back and against Bernie’s body.

“Are you sure, Serena?” Bernie spoke softly, still hovering over her as she kissed the spot just behind Serena’s earlobe. “Sometimes the line between want and need can bleed into each other, I just want you to be 100% sure that this is what you want.”

“Bernie, I have never wanted anything so much in my entire life.” She whimpered, the feeling of Bernie’s lips on her skin sending her head spinning. “Please, make love to me.”

Bernie’s heart leaped in her chest. She never thought she would hear those words come from Serena’s mouth, especially after leaving her to go to France…but here she was now, in Serena’s bed. She felt herself nod, biting her lip between her teeth. She wanted to make Serena see how beautiful she thought she was, she wanted Serena to feel how much she loved her. She leaned down and placed a kiss to Serena’s lips before keeling up over her, looking down at her, taking in her beauty. She reached around Serena’s back, unclasping her bra. She looked at Serena, her eyes unsure, but her doubts were dispelled when Serena’s hands came up to remove her own bra, throwing it to land on top of the other discarded clothes. Bernie’s breath caught in her throat as she saw Serena’s breasts for the first time. God, those blouses do not do these justice…Bernie licked her lips, her mouth suddenly very dry.

“You’re so beautiful Serena…” she whispered, “I love every inch of you.” She then dipped her head, kissing her breast, before taking a nipple into her mouth and sucking on it hard, biting down gently, earning a throaty moan from Serena. “I love your breasts…” she mumbled, still teasing her nipple with her tongue, teasing the other with her hand, pinching, rolling and tugging at it with her finger and thumb. She kissed along the underneath of her breasts, noticing a small freckle which lay just underneath her left breast. “and I love this freckle.” She gave the skin where the freckle lay extra attention as she kissed and sucked around her chest.

Serena arched her back off the bed, she felt on fire, her core was burning but Bernie wasn’t prepared to rush this. She was going to take her time.

She kissed down further, stopping as she reached the cluster of freckles on her chest. Bernie had always loved the freckles that lay upon her chest, she could sometimes see them peeking over the top of her blouse, and she vividly remembered seeing a photo of Serena, Edward and Elinor on holiday where Serena was in a vest top and her freckles were more prominent than ever. “and I love these freckles,” she whispered into her skin, tracing her fingers over the perfectly imperfect freckles.

Moving down further, she smiled as she saw the small silver stretch marks on Serena’s stomach. She had always found them to be so beautiful in general, it signified that you gave life…but Serena’s surpassed beautiful. She found them completely captivating and she spent time kissing along each and every one, her hand reaching up Serena’s body to play with the brunettes breasts again. “and I love your stretch marks. So much.”

She continued down her body, her fingers tracing over her ribs, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her belly button, flicking at it with her tongue. She wanted to taste and touch every single inch of Serena. She grazed her fingernails over the brunette’s hip bones, kissing down each leg and then back up. She then noticed a tiny, circular white scar on Serena’s stomach. She guessed it would’ve been from childhood chickenpox or something like that, and she loved that she knew this about Serena now. She leaned down and placed a kiss to it. She then pressed a loving kiss to Serena’s lips, trailing it down to her chin and along her jawbone and down her throat to the channel between her breasts. She kissed down each arm until she reached Serena’s beautiful, talented fingers. She placed a kiss on each hand, “and I love these hands, these lifesaving, beautiful hands.”

Serena was overcome with emotion. She had never had someone want to spend so much attention on her before. She had always been used to quick, ‘marital’ sex. It had always been the same, nothing ever changed. It was only Robbie that introduced her to new things, and even then nothing felt as good as this. Having Bernie Wolfe kiss and caress every inch of your body was mind blowing.

Bernie then moved down to Serena’s thighs, kissing up and down each leg, grabbing her arse with her hands as she arched off the bed again in pleasure. She kissed over her groin, over the thin layer of fabric separating her from the place Serena needed her most.

Serena was panting hard, her breath coming quick and fast. “Fuck, please Bern – I need you”

Bernie hooked her finger underneath the fabric of Serena’s knickers before dragging them painfully slowly down the brunette’s legs, throwing them to the floor. Bernie moaned aloud as she saw how wet Serena was, god...she couldn’t help herself, she dipped her head down and took her first taste of the woman she loved. Their moans filled the room as Bernie flicked her tongue through her folds, the tip of her tongue circling around her clit but not touching it.

Serena was panting, writhing underneath the blonde, her hands tangled in her unruly curls and her legs over the brunette’s shoulders giving her better access. Serena all but screamed in pleasure when Bernie thrust her tongue inside her over and over again, before bring it back up to circle her clit. She saw how close Serena was, she could feel it. Bernie flicked her tongue over her clit before taking it in her mouth and sucking, grazing her teeth over it.

Serena cried out, pulling Bernie up to kiss her. She moaned as she tasted herself on Bernie’s lips, and Bernie knew why she had moaned, and she found it so hot.

“I want us to do this together.” Serena suddenly gasped, pushing Bernie’s knickers down her thighs, and ridding her of her bra. Serena swore her heart skipped a beat. She leaned forward and took a nipple in her mouth, flipping them over so that Bernie was now underneath. Bernie moaned loudly, arching her back.

Serena’s hand had a mind of its own, reaching between both of their bodies as she sucked and teased Bernie’s nipples, biting down softly, then swirling her tongue around it to soothe it.

Bernie made work of rubbing Serena’s clit at a slow pace, before quickening the pace.

“Fuck, I need – I need you inside!” Serena managed to gasp out, and Bernie complied, pushing two of her long fingers inside her wet heat for the first time.

They both moaned, and Serena kissed Bernie roughly, allowing Bernie’s tongue entrance to her mouth. As Serena dragged Bernie’s bottom lip between her teeth, she thrusted two fingers inside Bernie and Bernie cried out into Serena’s mouth in pleasure.

“Oh-fuck-oh yes!” Bernie moaned as Serena’s thrusts instantly mirrored her own tempo on Serena. They continued to thrust into each other and Bernie curled her fingers inside her, her thumb coming up to rub her clit at the same time. Serena mirrored the blonde’s actions, crying out in pleasure as she felt herself on the edge.

“Bern-Fuck! I’m so close!” Serena panted, quickening her movements and thrusting hard against Bernie’s hand.

“Fuck Serena, yes! God, there! Cum for me Serena!” Bernie moaned loudly, before moaning out Serena’s name loudly, coming hard, quickly followed by Serena who cried out in pleasure, falling back into the bed. Bernie rolled over onto the other side of the bed, her chest heaving and her body still shaking.

Panting, they both grinned goofily at one another.

“That was…” Serena gasped. “There are no words to describe how incredible that felt.” Serena pressed her lips to Bernie’s. “I love you. Thank you for making me feel beautiful.”

“I love you too. You are beautiful, Serena…you are permanently, irrevocably flawed, and you are beautiful. Everything you see as an imperfection, I see as one more reason to love you.” Bernie spoke softly, and Serena felt tears welling in her eyes. She loved this woman, and she struggled to remember life without her. She didn’t want to remember life before Bernie…

Serena curled up into Bernie’s side and pulled the duvet up and over them, Bernie’s arms still tightly wrapped around her as they drifted off into an easy, welcome sleep, completely spent but happy to be wrapped in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK! It's my first M rated chapter and it's not too explicit...just yet...but I hope its okay?! Please leave reviews and as always, any suggestions are welcome! Xxx
> 
> Next chapter: will Bernie be there when Serena wakes up? will there be any regret?


	8. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After they have just slept together, Serena wakes up to find Bernie isn't next to her. Has she bolted...again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! So I'm back with yet another chapter. I hope you enjoy it, sorry I've not updated sooner, I've been so ill! Sending love to all Berena fans after last nights episode...heart breaking of what?! I don't know about Serena, but I need therapy just after watching it! As always, please leave reviews. They are what motivate me to continue writing this story Xxx

Lost in Translation

** Chapter 8 **

Serena wasn’t sure of the time exactly, but she presumed it was still very early morning as the room was still in complete darkness. She rubbed her eyes furiously, trying to free them of sleep. As she released a yawn, she felt a smile play on her lips at the events of only a few hours previous. She remembered how Bernie had spent so long admiring her body, taking care to kiss ad caress every inch of her. She felt so special, she felt so loved. She let out a content sigh, before shivering. She hadn’t bothered to put any of her clothes back on before succumbing to a deep slumber, but she was definitely feeling the effects of that now.

She then felt a tug in her chest as she rolled over in the bed onto her side, expecting to see her blonde. The bed was cold, and she was in it alone.

Serena’s brow furrowed. Had she dreamed last night? Had she simply had one too many glasses of Shiraz and took herself to bed, with only thoughts of the blonde medic occupying her thoughts? Wishful thinking? The lipstick marks around her nipples told Serena otherwise, and as she looked down her body, she saw multiple lipstick marks covering her body, finding the sight of them on the insides of her thighs slightly arousing.

She felt a stinging sensation on her back and she guessed that was from Bernie’s nails digging into her back _. Where the hell was she?_

Serena started to panic. _Surely, after everything, she wouldn’t bolt again? Would she?_ Serena felt the familiar emptiness returning. She swallowed thickly, doing everything in her power to refrain from crying. She quickly jumped up out of the bed and grabbed the first item of clothing she could lay her hands on. She wrapped Bernie’s shirt round her body and buttoned it up before going in search of Bernie _. I can’t lose her again…_

Walking down the stairs, the silence almost felt like a blow to her chest. She was slowly convincing herself that Bernie had left, that she had decided that it was all too much, that she didn’t want Serena after all…

Serena walked into the lounge, hoping to find the blonde sat on the sofa, but she was greeted by only her own jacket sprawled across the back of the sofa.

She bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears as she remembered how Bernie’s hoodie had been placed on top of her coat. _She took that bloody hoodie everywhere…_

Just when she was about to go back to bed, she saw a small light in the corner of her eye coming from the kitchen. She walked into the room, and was confused at first as it appeared no one was in there until the light flashed again and Serena’s eyes fell to Bernie’s shaking body on the floor, only covered by her Holby hoodie.

Serena all but ran over to Bernie, dropping to her knees beside her. “Darling?” she whispered, one of her hands fisting Bernie’s hoodie and the other coming up to rest on her cheek.

“Did I wake you?” Bernie whispered apologetically, her eyes trained on the tiled floor.

“No, I woke up and you weren’t there-and I-so I-and…” Serena could barely form a sentence. She didn’t understand what was going on. She didn’t understand why Bernie was tucked up in the corner of the kitchen, looking so small and weak.

“You thought I’d left you…” Bernie whispered, finally dragging her eyes up from their previous position of staring at the floor. Serena hesitantly nodded, and a crestfallen expression washed over Bernie’s face.

“What’s going on Bernie?” Serena whispered, her grip loosening on Bernie’s hoodie, and her hand taking refuge on her thigh, her other hand placed upon Bernie’s cheek.

“I…I…I couldn’t get back to sl-sleep.” Bernie’s voice sounded strained and weak, and Serena knew Bernie had been crying from the raw huskiness of it.

“Shh, I’m here now Bern.” Serena moved so she was sat in front of the blonde and let her limp body fall against her own. “I’m here.” She smoothed over the blonde, tousled curls with her fingers.

“I-I had a bad dream.” Bernie’s voice was barely a whisper and Serena almost didn’t hear her. She wanted Bernie to open up in her own time so she waited for Bernie to speak again, she didn’t want to push her too much.

“I-I ha-had a flashback.” She whispered. “From the army.” Serena felt her heart breaking. She hadn’t seen this side of Bernie. She looked frightened, she looked pale and she looked…guilty.

“I just…I’ve had it before.” She whispered, “but I haven’t had it in so long…” she whispered once again, this time her voice cracking. “It’s so loud…the sound of gunfire, people shouting, people screaming, children crying…” Bernie felt warm tears spilling down her cheeks. “It was all my fault Serena…a little boy died because I didn’t do my job properly…I should’ve been able to save him, but I was too caught up in Alex to realise I was needed.” She cried, her body shaking against that of the brunette holding her.

“It’s okay, shh, I’m here, Bern. I’m not going anywhere.” She spoke softly into the blonde’s hair, her hand rubbing her back comfortingly.

“We hadn’t got much time together in a few weeks because we had nearly been caught out by another officer. He caught us in the camp. She had her back to me and was topless, but luckily I was fully clothed still. We told him I was just checking her back for any injury seen as she had been injured not long ago, but the wound was healing nicely. He-he believed us and left, and We-I said it couldn’t happen again.” Bernie sobbed as Serena listened, silently comforting her.

“A few weeks later, Alex came and found me and told me she couldn’t forget or pretend anymore. She kissed me and…” she cleared her throat, wiping her eyes. “There was a major attack while I was with Alex and the surgeons were desperately trying to get in contact with me, I-I needed to perform urgent surgery immediately on a little boy. The minute I saw the message I ran to the theatre, and I scrubbed in as quickly as I could. Everything was going well, I had managed to stabilise him and repair multiple tears, but he-he flat lined out of nowhere.” Bernie sobbed, bringing her hands up to her mouth to muffle her cries. “I had missed a puncture to his lung, and a tear in his splenic artery. He was so young, Serena. He was only a boy…he had his whole life ahead of him…It-it should’ve been me!” Bernie sobbed harder than before this time, her chest heaving and her eyes all red and puffy.

“Don’t every say that, Bernie. Please don’t think like that…” Serena spoke sterner than she thought possible, her heart breaking. “That little boy was lucky to have you sighting for his life. You did everything you could to save him, and I don’t even have to have been there to know that you will have done everything in your power to make sure that he survived his injuries, right?” Serena softened her voice, her eyes pleading Bernie to look at her.

Slowly, feeling Serena’s eyes on her, Bernie looked up. She nodded in response to Serena’s question before looking back down.

“I did everything I could, but if…but if I had just-If I was there sooner, i-if I had been there to attend to him straight away then maybe he would’ve survived.” Bernie cried, her eyes red raw.

“Who did you talk to about this?” Serena whispered, afraid of the impending answer.

Bernie looked up at Serena, looking into her eyes. “I didn’t.” She whispered into the silence, confirming Serena’s fears. “When something bothered me, I didn’t talk about it. I just pushed it to the back of my mind…there was always something happened, always something to distract me from my thoughts. That was, until I went to bed at night. I thought it over by myself, alone…. came to conclusions and took action when necessary, alone. Not that I really felt lonely, it was just the way things were. You see things, you’re a part of things…things that will forever be claimed hostage in your brain.” Bernie whispered sadly. “It’s just the way things were. That’s the army. You have to survive on your own. You can’t depend on anyone too much, because you need to remain impartial and you never know what is going to happen to one of your friends or you in the days to come.” Bernie’s voice was low and strained, her eyes fixed forward as she recalled the army, speaking of her past.

As hard as it was for Serena to hear all of this coming tumbling from the mouth of the woman she loved, she felt proud that Bernie felt comfortable enough that she could open up to her. She was quickly learning that although the blondes skin she wears maybe calm, her bones were carefully constructed chaos.

“At times, darling, you need to stop blaming yourself for what went wrong. As much as you blame yourself, I know how much of a fantastic surgeon you are. If you couldn’t save him, then no one could. It isn’t about looking about the ‘what ifs’ or the ‘should haves’ “Serena spoke softly, pressing a soft kiss to Bernie’s blonde hair.

“I wish I had the words to explain how badly it fucked me up.” She whispered. “You see things, you understand what’s happening and then you keep quiet. You act like nothing happened. It’s so hard.” Bernie leaned against Serena’s chest, her hand falling to Serena’s knee.

“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions of what they think things are like to be clouded and destroyed by the actuality of the way things are.” Serena spoke gently, not wanting to aggravate the situation at all. She wanted to calm Bernie down, she wanted her to understand that it wasn’t her fault. She continued.

“It’s not just others that we need to forgive, Bern.” She whispered. “We need to forgive ourselves sometimes, too. For all the things we didn’t do…for all the things we think we should’ve done.” Serena reached up to stroke Bernie’s cheek with her thumb. “Sometimes the only way to be truly happy is to give into the sadness first. I’m here for you, I want all of you, Bernie. Your past, as well as your future.” She whispered as she pressed her lips against the blondes softly. It was a kiss unlike any they had shared before. It was soft, gentle and reassuring. It wasn’t fumbled, or frantic, or passion fuelled. It was simply because she could, and because she wanted to.

Bernie broke the kiss first and smiled against Serena’s lips. “When did you become so wise, ey?” She spoke softly, letting out a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding.

Looking up into the brunette’s soft eyes, Bernie knew that no matter what, she wanted to be with this woman. “I-I love you, Serena.”

Serena felt her heart leap and she smiled softly. “I love you too, Bernie…and I will not let you go through any of this alone.” She held the woman tightly against her chest.

Bernie smiled softly, nuzzling into the brunettes’ neck. She felt safe for the first time in as long as she could remember. She felt at home. She felt like she was part of a _family_. She admired the way Serena had this way of always finding the good in situations, and always managing to believe despite everything she had seen and all the faith-destroying accidents she will have encountered on the ward. As Bernie let her mind wander, she smiled to herself. She realised that was one of the things she loved most about the brunette; he undying hope, her ability to hold on even when it seemed easier to just let go.

Serena stood up from her stop on the floor and held her hand out for Bernie.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” She whispered quietly. Bernie took her hand and they walked up the stairs together, hand in hand.

**

As the sun beamed into the bedroom, Serena’s eyes squinted against the light. She sighed as she looked at the clock. _7:30._ Neither of them had to be in until 11, so she relaxed back into the bed, smiling as she saw Bernie’s hand resting on her stomach, under her open shirt which was wrapped around Serena’s body.

Serena gasped softly as that hand moved down slightly, over her stomach and between her legs. She turned her head on the pillow to see Bernie’s eyes open, and a smirk placed on her face.

“W-what are you doing?” Serena gasped, biting her lip, her eyes wide but glistening with passion.

Bernie didn’t answer, instead she just smirked and untangled herself from Serena, her body disappearing under the covers.

Serena all but screeched as she felt Bernie’s strong hands part her legs, placing them over her shoulders as she positioned herself.

Serena almost bucked into the blondes face when Bernie’s mouth finally made contact with her wet centre. Serena moaned in pleasure, throwing her head back and arching her back, her own hand coming up to pinch and tug at her own nipples. Bernie’s mouth covered all of Serena’s dripping sex, licking and sucking her folds into her welcoming mouth before finally plunging her tongue as far as she could into the brunettes aching centre.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” Bernie moaned, so aroused. She had never tasted something so incredible in all her life. Serena’s taste was unique, it was _her_.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, there, yes!” Serena panted hard, her free hand clutching at the bed sheets as she tried desperately not to grind too hard on the blondes face. Serena bucked her hips involuntarily as Bernie’s tongue moved from inside her to come up to circle her clit. Bernie could tell Serena was close, and her suspicions were confirmed when a hot pool of liquid trickled into her mouth and down her chin.

Serena’s scream of pleasure told Bernie all she needed to know and she sucked the brunette’s clit into her mouth, sucking relentlessly at it and grazing her teeth over it.

“Fuck, Bern-Bernie I – I need --fuck!” Serena cried out as she came hard after Bernie thrust three fingers inside her. Serena’s walls clamped around Bernie’s fingers and she rode Serena through her climax, only stopping when she knew it had become too sensitive for the brunette to handle.

Bernie emerged from beneath the duvet with a smirk on her face, along with Serena’s juices. Serena blushed, watching Bernie lick her lips. She watched as Bernie came closer to her, lifting up the three fingers that had previously been inside her. Her eyes locked with Bernie’s and she smirked to herself, taking Bernie’s fingers in her mouth, moaning to herself and she licked them clean.

Bernie bit her lip. “Fuck, that was hot.”

“What was that?” Serena smirked, her eyebrows raised.

“It was a thank you…for this morning.” She grinned sheepishly, “you were amazing.”

“Well, let me thank you, for thanking me.” She smirked and pulled the blonde into a rough kiss, her hands flying into her unruly hair.

_They weren’t getting much done before work, it seems…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! *sigh of relief* Bernie hadn't bolted, and she opened up to Serena! What would you guys like to see next?
> 
> Will it all get a bit much for Serena? Will they tell the children? Will Marcus show up? 
> 
> Please leave reviews, as I said, they are what motivate me to continue this story - thank you to everyone who commented on the last two chapters. Xxx

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments! continuation of this fic will depend upon when people are interested Xxx


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